Guide to Good Passionate Bottoming

Ok I’m going to write this for more of general appeal for any one reading or curious. Being the bottom can be a lot of fun! It can feel really great. (Especially, if you have a good top.) This how-to is descriptive and NSFW. Here are some do’s and some things to avoid:

Basic Instructions:

  • 1 Pre-prep Clean yourself out up to an hour before hand. Use an enema or just plain clean water in an enema bottle.
  • 2 Prepare your asshole for penetration Use lots of lube. Lube up your (or his) finger and lube up your hole.
  • 3 Prepare the top’s dick If you are using a condom, lube his dick only after you put the condom on.
  • 4 Penetration When he starts to puts his dick in, the head of his cock will breach your external anal muscles. You will feel it. You want to breath and relax. Some like to “bare down” as if you are pushing out a #2. (Don’t worry you won’t.) That reflex relaxes those muscles allowing his penis in. There is a second set of muscles a little deeper in. You will want to take those even slower. The top should start a gentle back and forth going a little deeper each time. Once he enters you all the way, don’t be afraid to just rest with him in you. Take some time to get adjusted to it. Continue to slide his cock in and out, a little at first, then a lot more later. I can’t stress it enough, make sure there is lots of lube. Apply more to his cock at anytime. 
  • 5 Fucking Once you are comfortable and feel like you’ve loosened up, the top can start to slide with more force. Don’t be afraid to tell him to ease up if you need to.
  • 6 Orgasm Once you cum, it’s likely the magic will wear off and his cock will start to hurt you. You will want his dick out of your asshole. This is totally normal. 
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  • If you reuse a bottle to clean your ass out, keep it spotless. your butt is susceptible to contamination and infection. Anything that goes in you should be really clean.
  • Use lots of grease or lube. Astroglide is too thin for first timers.
  • Get a toy that is slightly smaller than him. Use it or have him use it on you to open you up more. Be gentle down there. Those muscles will release but they tend to be stubborn at first. If you go to fast it will hurt, and the next day you will be sorry. Take it very slow. Make sure he knows to take it slow too. (Some guys just go in like Rambo.) If your butt is still too tight look in to a butt plug
  • Use a condom, or if you have been monogamous for more than 3 months get tested together.
  • if you are using a condom, only lube his dick after you put the condom on.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell him to ease up, stop, or pull out at anytime. He should respond immediately. 
  • If you can try to sync your Orgasms. This is hard to do, but something to work toward down the road. 


  • Mixing oil based lube and condoms. 
  • Barebacking with someone of unknown status.
  • Anal when you haven’t cleaned yourself out. Fecal matter can cause abrasion, pain, infection, and it smells like… well…

Read up on:

  • Herpes and HPV, do your research. Condoms don’t necessarily prevent these. They are extremely common. Most don’t know they have it. These really really suck. Once you get these, it’s for life, though there are varying intervals of remission. If you can avoid them, do. Some strains of HPV cause cancer.
  • Avoid HIV at all costs.
  • Above all, if anything happens that you are not comfortable with, you can stop or you can say, ‘stop’. Don’t do anything you don’t want to.

Keep open communication with your partner so that you are both on the same page about what is happening and what you are feeling. Once you get this whole thing down you can start to enhance it, and decide what you really like or what you want. It gets better with practice! There are at least a dozen popular positions, of varying penetration, eye contact, kissing contact, etc. Explore it. Its really fun, and maybe it will open a new chapter for you and your partner. Enjoy!

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